I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
