Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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