Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize