i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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