Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
