just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
