Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
