Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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