No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
