fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
