Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
