i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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