spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
