Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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