Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
