I'm drive I can fine osifer
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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