Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
