I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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