I saw his package. It spoke to me.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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