Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize