Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
