its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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