the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
