When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
How does one acquire holy water?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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