if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
