arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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