he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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