would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
