I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
