she was so not down for the gang bang
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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