He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
