i may or may not be watching the land before time
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
