I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
