I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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