just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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