Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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