In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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