i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
