Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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