I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
