I think I died a long time ago.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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