I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
