i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
