You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
