gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize