the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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