your room smells of hookers.
And success
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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