if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
