I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
