I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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