I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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