Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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