Christians are straight up FREAKS
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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