id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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