I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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