Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
