So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
