dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize