cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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