I think I died a long time ago.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
