Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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