There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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