I look better un-naked...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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