too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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