I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
