Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
