Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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