Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
