would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
