So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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