this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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