Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
