So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i came on her dog
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
