Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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