im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
