Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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