I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize