At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
