If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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