She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
