Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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