You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
