I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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