She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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