that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
