If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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