I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
