Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
