The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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